Know any good Jokes?

[MyStIcA]

Originally Posted by Icey V

/\ not bad though

[RisingFury{TSU}]

Be Careful Out There IDIOT SIGHTING: We had to have the garage door repaired. The Sears repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a 'large' enough motor on the opener. I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one Sears made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower. He shook his head and said, 'Lady, you need a 1/4 horsepower.' I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4. He said, 'NO, it's not. Four is larger than two We haven't used Sears repair since. My daughter and I went through the McDonald's take-out window and I gave the clerk a $5 bill. Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her a quarter. She said, 'you gave me too much money.' I said, 'Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar bill back.' She sighed and went to get the manager who asked me to repeat my request. I did so, and he handed me back the quarter, and said "We're sorry but they could not do that kind of thing.' The clerk then proceeded to give me back $1 and 75 cents in change. Do not confuse the clerks at McD's. I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the DEER CROSSING sign on our road. The reason: 'Too many deer are being hit by cars out here! I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore.' My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the person behind the counter for'minimal lettuce.' He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg lettuce. The stoplight on the corner buzzeswhen it's safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine. She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red. Appalled, she responded, 'What on earth are blind people doing driving?!'She was a probation officer in Wichita ,ks When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver's side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. 'Hey,' I announced to the technician, 'its open!' His reply, 'I know. I already got that side.'This was at the Ford dealership in Canton , Mississippi STAY ALERT. They walk among us... AND THEY VOTE!!!!

I LoL'd

[GyPsy{TSU}]

Originally Posted by RisingFury{TSU} I LoL'd

One can only hope.. they don't see the merit in Voting!!! You know, when they could be getting the other door to the van unlocked and so on

[MyStIcA]

Originally Posted by RisingFury{TSU} I LoL'd

[Strider{TSU}]

Originally Posted by MyStIcA

d1 who is there

thee one who is there

(say d1 fast)

[skiddy]

A lesson on how consultants can make a difference in an organization.
Last week, we took some friends to a new restaurant, 'Steve's Place,' and noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket.
It seemed a little strange.
When the busboy brought our water and utensils, I observed that he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket.
Then I looked around and saw that all the staff had spoons in their pockets.
When the waiter came back to serve our soup I inquired,
'Why the spoon?''
'Well, 'he explained, 'the restaurant's owner hired Andersen Consulting to revamp all of our processes.
After several months of analysis, they concluded that the spoon was the most frequently dropped utensil.
It represents a drop frequency of approximately 3 spoons per table per hour.
If our personnel are better prepared, we can reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen and save 15 man-hours per shift.'
As luck would have it, I dropped my spoon and he replaced it with his spare.
'I'll get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen instead of making an extra trip to get it right now.'
I was impressed.
I also noticed that there was a string hanging out of the waiter's fly.
Looking around, I saw that all of the waiters had the same string hanging from their flies.
So, before he walked off, I asked the waiter, 'Excuse me, but can you tell me why you have that string right there?'
'Oh, certainly!' Then he lowered his voice.
'Not everyone is so observant.
That consulting firm I mentioned also learned that we can save time in the restroom.
By tying this string to the tip of our you-know-what, we can pull it out without touching it and eliminate the need to wash our hands, shortening the time spent in the restroom by 76.39%.
I asked quietly, 'After you get it out, how do you put it back?'
'Well,' he whispered, 'I don't know about the others, but I use the spoon.'

[MyStIcA]

[GyPsy{TSU}]

Please excuse the rough language in the following story. I

would have deleted them, but the story wouldn't be the

same.





A young couple got married and went on their honeymoon.

When they got back, the bride immediately called her mother.

'Well,' said her mother, 'so how was the honeymoon?'

'Oh, mama,' she replied, 'the honeymoon was wonderful!

So romantic!'



Suddenly she burst out crying. 'But, mama, as soon as

we returned, Sam started using the most horrible language

-- things I'd never heard before! I mean all these

awful 4-letter words! You've got to take me home...

PLEASE MAMA!



''Sarah, Sarah,' her mother said, 'calm down! You need to

stay with your husband and work this out. Now, tell me,

what could be so awful? WHAT 4-letter words?'



'Please don't make me tell you, mama,' wept the daughter,

'I'm so embarrassed, they're just too awful! COME GET ME,

PLEASE!!

'Darling, baby, you must tell me what has you so upset.

Tell your mother these horrible 4-letter words!'



Sobbing, the bride said, 'Oh, Mama . . .

he used words like: dust, wash, iron, and cook ..'



'I'll pick you up in twenty minutes,' said the mother



I so agree with this!!

[Strider{TSU}]

Originally Posted by GyPsy{TSU} Please excuse the rough language in the following story. I would have deleted them, but the story wouldn't be the same. A young couple got married and went on their honeymoon. When they got back, the bride immediately called her mother. 'Well,' said her mother, 'so how was the honeymoon?' 'Oh, mama,' she replied, 'the honeymoon was wonderful! So romantic!' Suddenly she burst out crying. 'But, mama, as soon as we returned, Sam started using the most horrible language -- things I'd never heard before! I mean all these awful 4-letter words! You've got to take me home... PLEASE MAMA! ''Sarah, Sarah,' her mother said, 'calm down! You need to stay with your husband and work this out. Now, tell me, what could be so awful? WHAT 4-letter words?' 'Please don't make me tell you, mama,' wept the daughter, 'I'm so embarrassed, they're just too awful! COME GET ME, PLEASE!! 'Darling, baby, you must tell me what has you so upset. Tell your mother these horrible 4-letter words!' Sobbing, the bride said, 'Oh, Mama . . . he used words like: dust, wash, iron, and cook ..' 'I'll pick you up in twenty minutes,' said the mother I so agree with this!!

lol.