ok...
apparently Chuck can do anything...
but read coherently.
lol
and how dare he go steal our member bio write up!!
lol
eg:
===================
GrendelNorris{TSU} has recently changed his middle name to "****ing."
There are two kinds of people in this world: people who suck, and GrendelNorris{TSU}.
In the movie "Back to the Future" they used GrendelNorris{TSU}' Delorean to go back into time and into the future. When they gave it back to him with a scratch on it he was angry and roundhouse kicked Michael J. Fox, which years later they discovered is the cause of Parkinson's disease.
GrendelNorris{TSU} spends his Saturdays climbing mountains and meditating in peaceful solitude. Sundays are for oral sex from Victoria Secret models, KFC and Tequila.
GrendelNorris{TSU} always has sex on the first date. Always. The only time he didn't was in 1941, otherwise known as the beginning of the Holocaust.
Crop circles are GrendelNorris{TSU}'s way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the **** down!
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures GrendelNorris{TSU} allows to live.
GrendelNorris{TSU} once walked down the street with a massive erection. There were no survivors.
In an average living room there are 1,242 objects GrendelNorris{TSU} could use to kill you, including the room itself.
GrendelNorris{TSU} has two speeds: walk and kill.
GrendelNorris{TSU} is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
When GrendelNorris{TSU} was born, the nurse said, "Holy crap! That's GrendelNorris{TSU}!" Then she had had sex with him. At that point, she was the third girl he had slept with.
It takes GrendelNorris{TSU} 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
GrendelNorris{TSU} is not lactose intolerant, he just refuses to put up with lactose's ****.
GrendelNorris{TSU} can divide by zero.
When GrendelNorris{TSU} does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
GrendelNorris{TSU}' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
When GrendelNorris{TSU} has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay, but because he has run out of women.
Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but GrendelNorris{TSU} can kill him and take it.
GrendelNorris{TSU} once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
GrendelNorris{TSU} doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
If you ask GrendelNorris{TSU} what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
GrendelNorris{TSU} only masturbates to pictures of GrendelNorris{TSU}.
Rather than being birthed like a normal child, GrendelNorris{TSU} instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.
GrendelNorris{TSU} appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris{TSU} replied, "That's no glitch."
GrendelNorris{TSU} lost his virginity before his dad did.
Since 1940, the year GrendelNorris{TSU} was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.
GrendelNorris{TSU} sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and
unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was
finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul
back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he
should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of
the month.
Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, GrendelNorris{TSU} brought a
stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly
after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck
Norris{TSU}roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.
GrendelNorris{TSU}'s girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF GRENDELNORRIS{TSU}!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't **** with Chuck!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.
GrendelNorris{TSU} does not sleep. He waits.
GrendelNorris{TSU} built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard,
deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
GrendelNorris{TSU} is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like GrendelNorris{TSU}
GrendelNorris{TSU} was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous
of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have
Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse
kick related deaths.
To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. GrendelNorris{TSU} smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.
There are no disabled people. Only people who have met GrendelNorris{TSU}.
GrendelNorris{TSU} does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway.
GrendelNorris{TSU} uses ribbed condoms inside out, so he gets the pleasure.
There is no chin behind GrendelNorris{TSU}' beard. There is only another fist.
GrendelNorris{TSU} once lined up to kick the winning field goal of a high school football game. When the football went flat, he persuaded the referees to let him kick the field goal with a 3 month old child. Chuck roundhoused kicked the baby 60 yards through the uprights and then proceeded to bang every girl in the stadium.
The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "GrendelNorris{TSU}--more than meets the eye, GrendelNorris{TSU}--robot in disguise," and starred ChuckNorris{TSU}as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.
The chief export of GrendelNorris{TSU} is pain.
GrendelNorris{TSU} is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
When GrendelNorris{TSU} plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.
It was once believed that GrendelNorris{TSU} actually lost a fight to a pirate,
but that is a lie, created by GrendelNorris{TSU} himself to lure more pirates to him. Pirates never were very smart.
GrendelNorris{TSU} recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.
